A MANIFESTO FOR RESTORING DIGNITY TO OUR DISCOURSE
“There’s no black and white in this world; it’s all grey. That’s what people are like. No one thinks they’re a baddie. Everyone thinks they’re trying to do their bit to make the world a better place.” – Riz Ahmed
Black and white thinking, academically referred to as dichotomous or polarised thinking is a cognitive distortion that embraces absolutism. Right and wrong, good and bad, win or lose. The extremes of experience. In the world of psychology, dichotomous thinking is considered a foundational trait of narcissism, borderline personality disorder, OCD, anxiety and depression, whilst also being recognised as the eternal bedfellow of discriminating behaviours and beliefs such as racism, homophobia, transphobia and religious persecution. It sows conflict, feeds division, fuels war.
The inability of humankind to find synergy in the space between us is the defining failure of our race.
If you were to objectively consider the pros and cons of this dichotomous approach you would end up with a lop-sided list. Yet one, if not the only pro, would still stand out above all…it sells. How do marketers sell anything? They sell us an identity by making the list short, simple and succinct before packaging it up in an either/or choice. If you’re not with us, you’re against us. Republican or Democrat. Capitalist or Communist. Leave or Remain. Create the vision, cultivate the tribe, reinforce the belief that you are right and they are wrong, then sit back, watch the fireworks, count the money and pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
In ancient times being excommunicated from the tribe was essentially a death sentence and so, even now in these more ‘civilised’ times our inherent need for survival overpowers our reason and rationality, demanding we pick a side and make our justifications accordingly.
We’re never the bad guy, it’s always the other guy.
Yet deep down we all know life is never that simple. Each and every one of us is aware of the shades of grey idiom. It is so ubiquitous you likely don’t even remember when you first became aware of it. The concept is sound, the premise rational and yet it is not just an empty phrase. Basic colour theory states that there is an achromatic greyscale which lies exactly between black and white. Not one grey but many. With the exception of those who live in the extremes of opinion and activism, the majority of us most likely apply it multiple times throughout the day and yet just like willpower, it is a finite resource. It has been proven that exerting willpower on a continuous basis can result in decision fatigue, which may result in an early morning run becoming neutralised by a late-night donut or three. Fail to find a solution and best-case scenario you’re forever caught in the status quo, pinching an inch for the rest of your days. At worst, frustration builds, discipline dies, and sugar becomes the only supply of highs in your life.
Fighting the same good fight with regards sensemaking can lead to perspective fatigue. With so many differing circumstances, viewpoints and demands it can be exhausting trying to ensure that every perspective gets a seat at the table. At best, we make a reflex decision based on assumptions, hearsay and the limited facts we have available. At worst, we bow out, let the extremes dictate the narrative and get swept up in the resulting chaos it creates.
Google Glass may not have taken off, but it’s a safe bet that someone in the tech world will find a way to make Tony Stark’s E.D.I.T.H. a reality. Our own personal viewfinder through which to engage with the world and yet we are already in possession of such technology. We view life through our own lens of perception, which is formulated primarily by the interpretation of our experiences. This interpretation is filtered through our beliefs, values and environment. Therefore, no matter how ‘woke’ we think we are, subjective thinking is always our default position. It takes effort to engage our objectivity, to disconnect from our cognitive biases, to let the algorithm run through every permutation. My own hypocrisy humours me on a daily basis. I have lost count of the number of times my immediate reaction to reading or hearing something I disagree with is to consider unfollowing or unsubscribing.
I teach this shit, I didn’t say I know how to do it – Sean Maguire (Good Will Hunting)
And yet that is exactly why we should try to keep our points of reference so wide. To see, to hear, to understand different points of view. Cultivating new habits can seem overtly difficult and labour intensive and yet experts such as James Clear and Benjamin Hardy paradoxically suggest that we can achieve the desired results by using less effort, forgoing the accepted wisdom of motivation and willpower and focusing instead on identity (Clear) and environment (Hardy). Whilst both may be presenting their ideas through different methodologies, they are essentially proposing the same approach. Defining a target and the habit that will get us there (e.g. losing weight through running) may seem the most important factor but the real boon that will help us achieve what we want in life lies in assuming the identity of the person who will achieve that aim (eg. “I am a runner” rather than, “I want to be a runner.”) and cultivating the environment that person would exist in (buying runners rather than donuts, leaving our gear out the night before, joining a club of like-minded individuals). Life enhancing, identity-based systems built upon secure, supportive environments will trump chaotic, emotion filled tussles every single time.
No matter our differences, if you were to ask each individual to describe the kind of world they wanted to live in, the majority would propose a society that supports and creates the possibility of abundance, freedom and fulfilment for all. Yet how that manifests for each of us can be markedly different and create division when we interpret barriers being erected in the face of our own self-expression. I addressed this reality in a post in the early days of Covid and unfortunately it has played out exactly as I feared. This pandemic has not become the unifying, life affirming culture change that was widely proposed. Like so many of the challenge’s humanity has faced, it has been hijacked by the extreme and the cynical to further their own agendas. 20% of the voices causing 80% of the noise, all stirred up by a rabid media desperate for engagement, delivering alarmist headlines that stir up hatred and fear on a regular basis.
"What we've got here is... failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So, you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men." – The Captain (Cool Hand Luke)
This is not what we need, not now, not ever. Social distancing has not been a choice but sowing division most certainly is. That shit we do to ourselves. Lock, stock and two smoking barrels. Perhaps a new approach might be in order? Aimed toward a more humanistic expansion of life and liberty for all. A Highway to H.E.L.L. if you will. An acknowledgement that humanity should adopt a collective identity that embraces mutual respect, compromise, co-operation and understanding.
If so, then we, as both individuals and society at large must identify the core beliefs and values that will uphold this aim and create an environment that fosters such acceptance and commitment. A system that recognises fear as the vehicle that drives us towards division and so we need a new mode of travel to transport us forward. Hope might seem the obvious answer, but hope is a self-driving car and it is not yet safe to take our hands of the wheel. The responsibility is too great, the cost of failure too high.
The efficacy of any new method can only be proven after repeated testing, which in turn cultivates trust, reliability and security. Negotiations that linger or fall apart do so because they fail to cultivate this environment. Instead they tend to occur against a backdrop of bad faith and brinkmanship, leading to a lack of goodwill and a refusal to stray from stated positions. For a real-world example, you need only cast a glance towards the protracted Brexit negotiations that have been rumbling along for the past four years with varying degrees of bitterness and animosity.
Successful negotiations on the other hand, take on a different hue, displaying two key traits, integrity and dignity, thereby creating relationships in which everyone involved feels secure enough to acknowledge that balance is not and will never be, a homeostatic state. The acrobat on the tightrope is rarely still therefore the approach must be achromatic rather than absolute. The scarcity mindset, the battery that powers polarised thinking, the belief that for one to win, the other must lose, should be accepted as the most flawed dichotomy of all.
The only absolute truth is that there are no absolute truths.
So, the route towards synergy demands that we pull of this single lane of scarcity and merge onto a multi-lane highway of intellectual humility. This shall be our vehicle, leading us toward shared opportunity and mutual gains with patience and grace (to discover if you’re driving a race car or a run around, I highly recommend taking Shane Snow’s quiz and diving deeper into his writing on this topic). Each lane representing one of the 10 Essential Elements of Dignity, as defined by Dr. Donna Hicks, who has pioneered the research into the role dignity has to play in resolving conflict, consulting with the United Nations and multiple governments across the world. She can be seen below, discussing her work in a Ted X presentation delivered in my native Northern Ireland, a country only too familiar with the devasting consequences of dichotomous thinking.
The 10 Essential Elements of Dignity:
1. Acceptance of Identity Approach people as neither inferior nor superior to you; give others the freedom to express their authentic selves without fear of being negatively judged; interact without prejudice or bias, accepting how race, religion, gender, class, sexual orientation, age, disability, etc. are at the core of their identities. Assume they have integrity.
2. Recognition Validate others for their talents, hard work, thoughtfulness, and help; be generous with praise; give credit to others for their contributions, ideas and experience.
3. Acknowledgment Give people your full attention by listening, hearing, validating and responding to their concerns and what they have been through.
4. Inclusion Make others feel that they belong at all levels of relationship (family, community, organization, nation).
5. Safety Put people at ease at two levels: physically, where they feel free of bodily harm; and psychologically, where they feel free of concern about being shamed or humiliated, that they feel free to speak without fear of retribution.
6. Fairness Treat people justly, with equality, and in an even-handed way, according to agreed upon laws and rules.
7. Independence Empower people to act on their own behalf so that they feel in control of their lives and experience a sense of hope and possibility.
8. Understanding Believe that what others think matters; give them the chance to explain their perspectives, express their points of view; actively listen in order to understand them.
9. Benefit of the Doubt Treat people as trustworthy; start with the premise that others have good motives and are acting with integrity.
10. Accountability Take responsibility for your actions; if you have violated the dignity of another, apologize; make a commitment to change hurtful behaviours
Transforming the default from subjective to objective with the minimum of fuss, following the Hellfire Formula as the equation of equality and roadmap toward the Humanistic Expansion of Life & Liberty for all. (H.E.L.L.)
The Hellfire Formula:
H.E.L.L. = Identity (ID) + Environment (Env) x Intellectual Humility (IH)
Accepting that integrity and dignity (ID) should be at the core of our collective identity will create a safe, supportive environment that facilitates the ability to develop an empathic, noetic viewpoint (Env) of the experiences of others through the prism of our own. If we can filter these insights through an intellectually humble mindset (IH) and consequently demonstrate an ability to examine, assess and potentially shift our opinions based on reason and rationality then we can catch the winds of change, ascend in awareness and once more fly with the better angels of our nature.
We didn’t rise to the heights of the evolutionary pile by simply accepting that there was only ever one path to follow, one outcome to chase. We improvised, collaborated and communicated. It was the gift of consciousness that drove us forward. Our superpower and our saving grace, instilling us all with the cognitive flexibility to celebrate our diversity whilst never letting it trump our humanity.
The outlier is romanticised for taking an alternative stand and yet in todays polarised times it seems that the most punk rock move of all would be to plant your flag directly on centre stage. This does not mean taking the path of least resistance, in fact it might just be the most difficult course of all as you will encounter resistance from both sides. Navigation will require a steady hand, full of subtlety and guile, yet you will have room to manoeuvre if you engage with curiosity, compassion and creativity. You are not tied to one lane out there on the highway.
Unfortunately, this middle ground is often presented as being boring and bland, grey and dull but this is a limiting belief that forgets silver exists within the greyscale. A precious metal perceived as ‘less than’ gold yet second only to oil as the most useful, diverse commodity. It is sleek, it is sophisticated, it is the standard we should all be aiming for.
The poles of perception may drive us apart, finding synergy in the centre will allow us to shine.
There is a new world to be discovered if we are only brave enough to connect in conscious deliberation at the crossroads of principles and pragmatism, letting the high maverick of Marvel be our guide. Tony Stark, that flawed visionary with an evolving approach that placed him at various points between the brutal ideology of Thanos and the never bending nobility of Steve Rodgers. The hero who experienced redemption and relapse in equal measure as the challenges increased in proportion to his accomplishments. Never perfect but always public, willing to step up to the plate in an attempt to make up for the past, to prepare for the future and to find peace in the present. The human being whose true superpower lay beneath the armour, in his empathy and intellect, in his acceptance that one play was the only play and that synergy required sacrifice.
And so, with that inevitable insight and selfless inspiration still fresh in our minds, let us find strength in story, faith in humanity and courage in crisis. Let’s mirror the sacrifice out here in the real world, reflecting equal measures of reason and rationality, patience and poise, embracing and engaging life through a shared lens, a collective identity and a supportive environment, embodying the edict of E.D.I.T.H. (Every Day I’m Team Human) by extolling the virtues of peace, love and empathy, and moving forward together on this Highway to H.E.L.L.
Take Aim, Transform, Transcend…
Skywards…
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